Here are a few gems (compiled in brief format) spoken by the people present in our recent Souls On Deck circle – a group of pioneering practitioners, poets, space makers, agents and catalysts of emergence and healing:

“History gets in the way of our aspirations and possibilities.”

Questions from Dale Nienow to reflect on to help us move into presence here and now:

• What do I need to let go of in order for this group to flourish?
• What do you need from this community to show up fully with your gifts?

Series of process Insights:

1. Notice what is going on.
2. Name it. Make us aware.
3. Honor history. Respect the journey.
4. Find where you are meant to be.
5. Attend to emergence.
6. Let go of what holds you back from showing up at full.
7. Create a space for others to flourish without becoming invisible.
8. Tend to legacy.
9. Take care of yourself. Your story matters.
10. Listen to what is spoken. See what we are being shown.

Aviv Shahar :: Nov.15.2008 :: Organizational Development, Relationship :: No Comments »

Why do so many relationships hit a brick wall?

Too many people insist on holding onto frozen dreams instead of realizing that a relationship is a learning journey.  You work at it. You work at it hard and you work at it soft and you make discovery, learning and growing central to your relationship. You listen to each other and you listen to yourself. You learn to not “should” all over each other. You make space, you encourage and you try to take the higher roads. You live and let live and you then discover that it makes every year a bit better because you are able to take in more about life, more about each other and more about growing together.

The biggest mistake people make is to turn around at age 45 or 55 and say we don’t love each other the way we did at 25, it doesn’t feel the same. Well, of course not. What both of you were at 25 is frozen in time. You are now 45 or 55 – who says it’s supposed to feel the same? You are different; your partner is different. You have experience, wisdom, perspective and you have managed to overcome adversity. You are more set in some of your ways and at the same time you can grow and evolve in other ways. If you listen to each other’s growth and pay attention to your own—love at 45 and 55 is deeper, more interesting and fascinating and 100 times better than it was at 25, and it helps both of you to continue to evolve.

Have you noticed the two thirds of EVOLVE is love? Does that not tell us that love is the inner propulsion of growth, development and evolution?

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Oct.13.2008 :: Relationship :: 1 Comment »

Why is language so confused (and confusing) when it comes to love? Why are so many people confused about love?

Falling in love has little to do with love and yet love is the word that is used. Infatuation and attraction are some of the words that describe what people experience when they say “I fell in love”. When attraction and infatuation fade they say, “We just fell out of love.” It’s not surprising that so many young people are confused about love.

‘Falling in love’ infers that we stumble into love without effort, without thought and most importantly, without the mindset that relationships require work and a steady influx of renewal and recommitment.  We can love our new car, a different house or the latest TV program, but these ideas convey little or no connection to human capacity for love.

“I do what I love and it energizes me” is one aspect of love and then there is a greater love. This love is not about what you do when you feel like doing it. This greater love is about what you do even when you don’t feel like doing it.

You don’t feel like getting up at night out of a deep sleep, but as soon as you hear a crying child or baby, you are up. Great love is about what you do in spite of what you may feel like doing at that moment. There are short, fleeting feelings and then there are durable deeper feelings. Personal growth is about learning to discern and differentiate one from the other.

The greater love is found not in the transitory, fleeting feelings but in the actions of determination born of devotional, durable and renewable feelings. There is love in commitment, love in service, love of making things better, and love of serving others who are in need. There is love of the human possibility, and the love of what you are called to do and be.

Show me a great endeavor and I’ll show you a person who follows the greater love.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Jul.13.2008 :: Relationship, Spirituality :: No Comments »

Your living presence is the most precious thing you have. Take it away and you take life itself away. All the things you own won’t mean a thing when you are gone.

What then is the greatest act of generosity? It is offering your presence, unreservedly. Giving your mindful presence to another human being is the most precious gift you can give. Offering your full attention and presence is what lifts the conversation from everyday to sacred. Your full presence is the greatest act of generosity.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: May.08.2008 :: Listening, Relationship, Spirituality :: 1 Comment »

Can you think about a situation when adding one means adding ten? Take a moment to think about this conundrum before you read on. Don’t cheat.

Did you find the answer? Well, here it is…

When your first child is born.

I first became aware of this change a few months after our son was born 20 years ago (1987). No one alerted me to this phenomenon so I felt I had discovered something big, and since then I have explained this countless times over when coaching managers and friends who were about to become parents for the first time.

Before a couple has their first child, they have no idea how exponentially more compound their situation is about to become. From two relationships the equation evolves into twelve relationships. That’s right. This is not a print mistake. 12 relationships! But you need to sensitize yourself before you realize it. Here is how it works. First there is just the two of you. This means there are two relationships. Your relationship with your spouse and your spouse’s relationship with you. Put differently, there is how A relates to B and how B relates to A.

Now, when the two become a triangle with the addition of child, ten more relationships are added to the equation to total 12 relationships all together:

1. Father’s relationship with mother
2. Father’s relationship with child
3. Father’s relationship with mother in the child’s presence
4. Father’s relationship with child in the mother’s presence
5. Mother’s relationship with father
6. Mother’s relationship with child
7. Mother’s relationship with father in the child’s presence
8. Mother’s relationship with child in the father’s presence
9. Childs’s relationship with father
10. Child relationship with mother
11. Childs’s relationship with father in the mother’s presence
12. Child’s relationship with mother in the father’s presence

For those of you with two children… well, can we get a clever mathematician to help us here - how many dynamics of relationships are there in a family with two children and in a family with three children? I’ll let you work out how this applies to the in-laws on your own.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Apr.21.2008 :: Relationship :: No Comments »