Beware Of Despair – A Coaching Brief

The true meaning of despair is separation from purpose—the sense that you are unable to realize your mission – that there is no way for you to engage in your life affirming purpose.  Two roads cross the juncture of despair. One leads into fatigue, depression and apathy; the other leads to awakening and renewal. The first diminishes the life force; the second rekindles the essence of life.

Cellular energy, biologists tell us, is carried and released by ATP (Adenosine - triphosphate). “ATP is a multi-functional nucleotide that is a carrier of “molecular currency” of intracellular energy transfer. In this role, ATP transports chemical energy within cells for metabolism. It is produced as an energy source during the processes of photosynthesis and cellular respiration.” In short, ATP is the energy potential of the cell. It brings to the cell the energy to engage in its function and do all that it needs to do.

What about you? What gives you energy to engage in your functions and do all that you need to do? What is your whole-person (beyond cellular) ATP?

In our coaching work with high performers they find that their whole-person ATP - the energy potential they can realize and release is a function of Alignment-To-Purpose.  Your whole-person ATP is in your Alignment- and Adherence-To-Purpose.  Despair and depression are the signs of ultimate loss of Alignment To Purpose (ATP). Awakening and renewal are found in reconnection and realignment to purpose.

To acquire cellular ATP, Adenosine – triphosphate, you need a balanced nutrition.

Finding and ongoing-ly calibrating your Alignment-To-Purpose is central to the personal development journey and to the process of coaching. You develop self awareness and insight to what energizes you, to your intuition and to what nourishes your purpose. You get sensitized to the Being and Doing of purpose and discover the relationships of the higher, the lower and the middle. You examine the personal and professional aspects of your life to create and arrange your optimal Living On Purpose.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Nov.16.2008 :: Coaching, Organizational Development, Personal Growth :: No Comments »

In good times and in tough times, the surest and safest tactic is to become the best value generator you can be.

Here are ten things you can do to generate and bring great value to your stakeholders.

1. Be clear about the most important - the vital things.
2. Identify the key people you serve.
3. Learn their concerns, needs and issues.
4. Don’t let not knowing inhibit you – ask questions to better understand until you feel you do understand.
5. Develop versatility in your communication. Over-communicate.
6. Practice situational awareness – What makes the people around you excel? What are their data-processing preferences? What are their decision-making styles? What will offer the best help?
7. Think and reason for yourself. Develop and express a viewpoint.
8. Take initiatives. Stake a position. You learn more and are more engaged once you have staked out a position. You learn most by helping others.
9. Seek feedback. Never take criticism or rejection personally. Continue to improve and optimize.
10. Find a mentor or a coach.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Nov.06.2008 :: Entrepreneur, Personal Growth, Tough Times :: No Comments »

Your worst enemy is thinking that you don’t matter, that there is nothing you can do that makes a difference. This thought shuts off your mind and suffocates your soul. Thinking your life doesn’t have meaning or that you don’t mean anything is when something begins to die in you.  Here is the truth. Everything you do matters. Everything you cause to happen matters.   Everything you are matters. Yes, you matter!
© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Nov.05.2008 :: Know Thyself, Personal Growth :: No Comments »

A response to a crisis follows three phases:
Phase 1: Looking backward – this begins with denial and continues into argument, anger and bargaining.

Phase 2: Looking lost – when anger and bargaining with what was and is no more has been used up, it gives way to confusion. The reference that was used as an anchor is no longer there, and there isn’t a new point of reference yet.  Confusion leads to feeling and looking lost which gradually may lead to surrender.

Phase 3: Looking forward – If the second phase has led to surrender it opens a way up into a third phase. From surrender and acceptance there is a shift toward looking forward, to identifying new opportunities and to adaptive emergence.

Some never go past the first phase. Some stay at the second phase for far too long. Resilience is being able to metabolize from phase one through two and quickly move into the third phase.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Nov.03.2008 :: Innovation, Organizational Development, Personal Growth, Reflections, Tough Times :: No Comments »

Make your learning compelling. Make it compelling for you. You are the first listener and student of your teachings. When you listen well, the rest of the world wants to come and listen too.

A great Rabi once said “we tell stories to our children to put them to sleep. We tell stories to adults to wake them up.” In our leadership seminars and retreats we often practice the “From you I have learned” exercise.  Each participant tells a story about a person that has had a formative impression on them.  When they finish telling the story they end with saying – and so from (this person) I have learned about courage/ how to say no / how to pick myself up and have another go / how to forgive and let go, and so on.  People tell stories about a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a manager or a friend.  It’s a powerful exercise because people learn to distill and articulate a specific learning from their experience. They learn even more from each other’s stories. As we work through this life-centering-stories exercise, people are surprised to see the value that lives inside the significant stories of their lives. They find new wisdom is available to them when they learn to reframe their experiences and bring them up to date and harvest a new meaning.

Make the learning interesting, inspiring, compelling. This is how you forward your experience into further development and growth. The radium is always buried deep in the pitchblende. Charisma joins you when you process enough pitchblende to find the radium inside you.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Oct.24.2008 :: Listening, Personal Growth, Storytelling :: No Comments »

I am often asked how to overcome fear. Fear is probably the strongest, most intense of all behavioral triggers. We conjure up fears and react to them. Fears govern behavior in relationships, in career choices, in trading and investment, and in the way people express their views and feelings.

There are four responses to fear:
1. Flight – fear reflex to run away
2. Fight – defense mechanism
3. Fright (Freeze) – fear reflex to stay frozen
4. Frame – Manage the fear reflex in context and make a calculated appraisal of options.

The first three have served humans since the beginning of time. They are wired into the reptilian brain and instinct. All creatures large and small have intrinsic knowledge to run away when faced by a stronger slower opponent. If immediate danger is posed, some of us will fight our way to safety. In other situations, both humans and animals are known to freeze either as a defense mechanism so as not to be seen, or out of inability to mobilize to the next action.  These reactions can be very useful in situations of physical danger. However, many of the fears we face as urban dwellers are quite different, where ancient hard-wired reptilian responses are not suitable or helpful.

The fourth response of framing your options and evaluating these inside a larger context involves later evolution of brain function and a different stratum of consciousness. Engaging higher brain function and levels of consciousness is at the center of personal growth and development. You started to practice overriding reactive circuitries at the age of four or five. Managing fear more effectively by framing options, evaluating pros and cons and making choices can be learned and practiced.

This fourth response is based in recognizing that you have a fundamental choice; that you can choose between:
1. Using fears to make you succeed
2. Allowing fears to hold you back

Here are 21 fears that govern people’s behavior, participation and response:

1. Fear of losing a position
2. Fear of losing social standing
3. Fear of losing income
4. Fear of losing another person’s positive view of you
5. Fear of losing your own positive self image
6. Fear of losing love
7. Fear of losing security
8. Fear of failure
9. Fear of criticism
10. Fear of rejection
11. Fear of humiliation
12. Fear of embarrassment
13. Fear of being left out
14. Fear of change and it’s consequences
15. Fear of being wrong
16. Fear of being caught out
17. Fear of being alone
18. Fear of pain
19. Fear of finding emptiness inside
20. Fear of death
21. Fear of fear

Then there are also:
22. Fear of taking full responsibility and having no excuses
23. Fear of success
24. Fear of realizing your true power

What can you do in the face of fear to bypass the flight/ fight/ fright reflex and frame a different response?
1. Ask: “what is the worst thing that can happen?” By framing it clearly in written or spoken words that are outside of you, it is no longer invisible or unspoken. The unspoken and the invisible often have a greater gripping power than the things that are seen and said.

2. Frame the fear in context; ask:
A. What is the best case scenario?
B. What are the probabilities of the worst and the best case?
C. What are likely scenarios in the middle?
D. What options do you have?
E. What are the possible risks and rewards in each option?

3. Find the greater fear that can keep you succeeding:
A. Fear of not realizing your potential
B. Fear of not living fully
C. Fear of forgetting what matters most
D. Fear of getting separated from your calling and purpose
E. Fear of not rising to your opportunities.

4. Make a wise decision. Take action.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Oct.20.2008 :: Coaching, Personal Growth :: No Comments »

To the Toronto Blue Belt Top Talent participants of 2008 – Thank you for the opportunity to work together and be on this discovery journey with you. Here are my notes from our last mornings briefing:

1. You are the most important person in this world! The people you serve and work for, the people you support and help, the people to whom you bring a smile and who you make laugh, your loved ones – they can all only have the benefits of your time, energy, talent and wisdom because of who you are!  Your good health, knowledge, experience and wisdom provides you with something to give. What you do and bring to them, the way you help, serve and give are extensions of what you are – of your being.

2. Always seek to be in your optimal zone! You are always better, more efficient and to the point when you come out of optimal energy. When you drop below your “90V” you are less effective and less productive. When you drop below “70V” you tend to be ineffective and produce negative results. Below “60V” you are susceptible to illness. (You can find more about how this works in our Emerald Keys.)

3. Practice learn-ability! Develop and practice the ability to learn from every situation and experience. Learn-ability is your top competency in times of rapid change. Debrief, harvest and apply your learning.

4. Develop communication and framing skills! Your second critical skill is the ability to frame ideas and the communication and influencing frameworks and skill-set we practiced at the Blue Belt. By practicing these regularly you get one percent better every day - the compounding result of which is getting 100% better in 70 days!

5. Separate “musts” from “wants”! Be clear about the difference between “Musts” and “Wants”. Do not confuse “I want this” for “I must have this”. Be clear about your priorities. Let top priorities guide your actions.

6. Align short and long terms! Work on your long-term aims and goals with a practical and pragmatic mindset by creating step by step progress. Bring to your short-term endeavors the energy and conviction of your long term intentionality.

7. Invest in your growth and development! Along with your career goals, set internal goals for yourself. Never work solely for an outer goal. Balance and complete the outer goal together with an internal goal. Your internal goals are not about what you will have or what you will do – they are about the person you are becoming and what you will be. Develop a “Being” goal for every “Having” and “Doing” one.
Examples for “Being” goals:
A. “I am becoming a more patient and understanding leader.”
B. “To be happy and grateful.”
C. “I am clear in mind and conscience.”
D. “I develop an energized presence.”

8. Be a tool maker! Go beyond problem solving and into tool making. Be the tool maker of progress, growth and innovation.

9.  Be confident! Everything big started small. Do not be intimated by others however brilliant they may be. You are brilliant in your own way. Be sure and confident about the contribution you can make. Success is not about perfection, it is about always taking the next step forward. Take the next step confidently.

10. Find glory in the inglorious! Find the little noticed or ordinary places and attend to them with special care. Give yourself and those around you small moments of recognition when it’s least expected. Allow for quiet moments of peace inside a crowded life. Look to make something right even when no one else sees or knows what you did, simply for it to be right. Find glory in the inglorious!

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Oct.07.2008 :: Consultant Journal, Leadership, Personal Growth :: 1 Comment »

A couple goes to the theater. Ten minutes into the show they know that it is a bad movie but neither of them is prepared to admit it. Fifteen minutes later one of them says: “it’s a bad movie. Shall we leave?” The other replies: “Why should we lose three times? First we paid, second it’s a bad movie and now you want us to leave before the end?”

In many situations it is perfectly fine to stop in the middle, to not prolong a mistake, to not extend unnecessary irritation or suffering. Everyone can make a mistake; it’s more of a mistake to devotedly hold on to it. The foolishness comes in thinking you have to punish yourself by putting more time into what is either not working, not a good use of your time, or has exceeded its shelf life.

Here are few things that you can simply stop (without breaking any law):
1. A bad movie or an annoying play
2. An aimless chat
3. A noisy party that has gone on too long
4. A meeting that already met its objectives
5. A conference call that accomplished its goals
6. An endeavor that has lost its purpose

If you are to be great, to be the best you can be – you have to learn to say no to the follow on punishment, you have to make space for greatness.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Oct.06.2008 :: Personal Growth :: No Comments »

Never run to the bottom of the tank. It is the most dangerous thing that you can do. When you use yourself to the very last drop of energy and willingness, you start using up a precious energy that was not meant to be used. The last drop of energy is a crucial safety reservoir to be retained for self maintenance, to fuel your recovery and daily replenishment. Running to the bottom and then running on empty is dangerous. You make yourself brittle and susceptible to illness.

Make it a point to notice the red light on your energy dashboard.  Work on building your resilience and recoverability reservoirs. Never run Empty.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Sep.17.2008 :: Know Thyself, Personal Growth, Tough Times :: No Comments »

Good times present great opportunities. Tough times present a great many opportunities too. How do you approach challenging times? What opportunities do you find in tough times?
Here are ten things you can do in tough times:

1. Learn new skills.
2. Take time to explore ideas, places and possibilities that looked impossible previously.
3. Stay well, fit and healthy. Discipline yourself to engage regularly in your preferred sport or exercise. Maintain good nutritional balance.
4. Sharpen your focus on what matters.
5. Reinvent what you do and how you do it.
6. Discover alliances that are based in true value and trust.
7. Re-examine your beliefs: do they stand the test of the times? Do they deliver you to the right place in yourself? Test new assumptions about life, about work and about business.
8. Clarify the difference between ‘musts’ and ‘wants’.
9. Let go, forgive and enjoy.
10. Discover that there is no reason for fear – here you are in tough times and you are managing, it is not the end of the world.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Sep.12.2008 :: Personal Growth, Tough Times :: 1 Comment »