This Key explores three vital skills you did not learn in school and had to discover for yourself. Failing to master these skills brings more strife and pain than anything else. Proficiency in these three skills opens the door to tremendous well being and to actualizing your goals and realizing your hopes. As a parent, know that your children will need to discover these three capabilities for themselves, perhaps with your help, if you are available.

Back in the summer of 2002 our son completed 9th grade and was on target to attend Woodinville High School. On our annual summer hike, as we conversed about the challenges and opportunities of the next year, I said: “By all means excel in your studies and in the subjects you like. Just know that school with all its many good things is not going to teach you the three most vital skills that are a struggle and preoccupation for adults. You have to learn to manage these skills in this life if you are to be independent and free, and to succeed and thrive.”

Hiking the Pacific Northwest provided a great background for our conversation. The turns of the trail offered natural commas, periods and exclamation marks; the forest provided the cathedral of nature and the mountain lake we were heading toward made for a natural point of realization. We played the “Can you guess the three skills?” game and then zeroed in on them. Discover The KEY and the Three Skills here.

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Dec.05.2007 :: Personal Growth, The Key :: No Comments »

Great negotiators, sales people, coaches, consultants and entrepreneurs understand that the word ‘no’ is not the opposite of the word ‘yes’. People say ‘no’ for multiple reasons and they mean a variety of things depending on the situational context. When you get a ’no’, or when you do not get a ’yes’ it may mean any of the options listed below. In parentheses are suggestions about how you could frame your response action accordingly:

1. Not now (Find out what would be a good time)
2. I am not ready to say yes (What holds you back? What will help you feel ready?)
3. I want to hear more (What specifically do you need to understand? Who else needs to be involved?)
4. I need to first know that you understand my concerns (I am here, listening. Help me understand.)
5. What will I gain? What’s in it for me? (What are your hopes? What’s most important for you? What will simplify your life the most?)
6. I need to learn more about your process, help me see how we can get there (Canvass it through the other person eyes: the first step will be… this is what we will do… this is what it will look like… feel like…the results you can expect are…)
7. First I need to know if I can trust you (Build trusting relationship)
8. What guarantees do I have? (What guarantees do you need?)
9. I am under personal pressure and am not in a position to reply now. (That’s why we have to do this… or approach it at another time)
10. How will it impact what we do? What will be the consequences of this? (What are the impacts you hope for? What are the consequences you are concerned about?)

© Aviv Shahar

Aviv Shahar :: Dec.02.2007 :: Entrepreneur :: No Comments »